Brenton
AhmedMatt Preskenis is mad
July 18th 2008 07:19
Matt Preskenis is nuts
Matt Preskenis was brought to my attention with the ‘I Am Drugs Series’.
Clearly the man is mad. Not only is he featured as the personification of PCP in the above video, but he wrote all the videos in the I am Drugs series. And it doesn’t end there.
You can find an assortment of Matt Preskenis material over the net. His personal page is here;
His page here also has a piece of information about things Matt likes and doesn’t like. Hopefully he won’t hate me for reproducing this piece verbatim;
If you're going to beg me for money, that's fine.
Hell, you could be my uncle - yeah, that uncle no one in my family talks about until he magically appears every seven years at Christmas...
But even if you're not my uncle, you can ask me for all the money you want.
I may give you some...
I may not...
I have only one comment:
The moment I tell you, "I don't have any money," and you say, "hey, motherfucker, don't make me pull out my gun!", you are no longer begging me for money...
You're robbing me.
This has happened a couple of times.
I know, the world is funny. Call me crazy, but as far as I'm concerned, every time you threaten to shoot me... you're robbing me.
What's funny, is so many times, you don't really have a gun...
And that's just sad.
Now...
I've been robbed.
My friend Alex and I once had a guy stuff a Glock 9mm in my face while we were in search of some late night entertainment in DC, I've had a Polish cop stick an AK-47 in my face until I gave him the equivalent of $27, and I once had a disheveled guy in Houston threaten to pistol-whip me with a Colt 1901 and/or a Heineken bottle and/or some French handcuffs unless I gave him a quarter...
In all of those cases, I coughed up my dough...
But if my bullshit sensors go off, and you say you have a gun, but I KNOW you don't have a gun...
I'll call you out on it.
And you won't know WHAT to say.
Because if you haven't shot me in the thigh by the time I'm laughing at you, you probably won't be shooting me until some time late tomorrow afternoon...
And that's fine with me.
Hell, I'm not fast, but if you give me a good eighteen hours or so? That's plenty of time.
You think I'm kidding, but the last time some random homeless guy threatened me with a non-existent gun (last weekend on Bleecker Street, for anyone keeping track), I got a free chicken kebab out of the whole exchange, after the shop owner realized that I'd solved an entire night's worth of gun-related problems with one quip....
Not a bad deal.
Sad thing was, I was going to give him my change from the kebab.
So there it is. The great Matt Preskenis. If only we could all be like he, writing beautiful prose, kicking invisible gnomes across the land, wandering off into the sunset.
Matt Preskenis was brought to my attention with the ‘I Am Drugs Series’.
Clearly the man is mad. Not only is he featured as the personification of PCP in the above video, but he wrote all the videos in the I am Drugs series. And it doesn’t end there.
His page here also has a piece of information about things Matt likes and doesn’t like. Hopefully he won’t hate me for reproducing this piece verbatim;
If you're going to beg me for money, that's fine.
Hell, you could be my uncle - yeah, that uncle no one in my family talks about until he magically appears every seven years at Christmas...
But even if you're not my uncle, you can ask me for all the money you want.
I may give you some...
I may not...
I have only one comment:
The moment I tell you, "I don't have any money," and you say, "hey, motherfucker, don't make me pull out my gun!", you are no longer begging me for money...
You're robbing me.
This has happened a couple of times.
I know, the world is funny. Call me crazy, but as far as I'm concerned, every time you threaten to shoot me... you're robbing me.
What's funny, is so many times, you don't really have a gun...
And that's just sad.
Now...
I've been robbed.
My friend Alex and I once had a guy stuff a Glock 9mm in my face while we were in search of some late night entertainment in DC, I've had a Polish cop stick an AK-47 in my face until I gave him the equivalent of $27, and I once had a disheveled guy in Houston threaten to pistol-whip me with a Colt 1901 and/or a Heineken bottle and/or some French handcuffs unless I gave him a quarter...
In all of those cases, I coughed up my dough...
But if my bullshit sensors go off, and you say you have a gun, but I KNOW you don't have a gun...
I'll call you out on it.
And you won't know WHAT to say.
Because if you haven't shot me in the thigh by the time I'm laughing at you, you probably won't be shooting me until some time late tomorrow afternoon...
And that's fine with me.
Hell, I'm not fast, but if you give me a good eighteen hours or so? That's plenty of time.
You think I'm kidding, but the last time some random homeless guy threatened me with a non-existent gun (last weekend on Bleecker Street, for anyone keeping track), I got a free chicken kebab out of the whole exchange, after the shop owner realized that I'd solved an entire night's worth of gun-related problems with one quip....
Not a bad deal.
Sad thing was, I was going to give him my change from the kebab.
So there it is. The great Matt Preskenis. If only we could all be like he, writing beautiful prose, kicking invisible gnomes across the land, wandering off into the sunset.
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